Harry Potter "Choose 4 Names" Spell
OK, to start, this movie was pretty awesome with amazing special effects. I loved it. However, almost becoming a 20-year-old-sophisticate made me question quite a few things:
1: Why the hell are Dumbledoor and Magonagle (sp? I don't read the books) and others so baffled that bad things are happening? Like the attack at the Quidich (sp?) Tournament and the attack on the one head guy. MAYBE it's cuz you fucking enrolled Harry Potter, eh? Maybe its because the rat guy got away in the last movie? Or because the spooky "Chamber of Secrets, which has never been opened, was opened? Maybe it's because you can't seem to hire a good DADA (Defense Against the Dark Arts, of course) teacher? There are a few other things at play Dumbledoor. Figure it out!
2: Why the hell was everyone so grief stricken after the new character-they-just-introduced-in-this-movie-and-then-killed-off -and-who-didn't-see-that-coming died? They threw him into a pit with a Fire-Breathing Dragon. WTF? Would they have been as aghast if Kron slipped on some rocks and was set afire in front of that audience of hundreds? "Oh fuck... fuck he's on fire. Oh God, the first-years... Get them out, ah shit someone put him out. Oh God his father's here isn't... shit shit shit. He fucking set him on fire... I never saw that coming! Never! Alright let's just move to the next... Quick get Harry out and we'll wrap up the first challenge. Dangerous? No, he'll be fine. Should we have used a bigger stadium for Fire-Breathing Dragons than this one that only spans 100 feet across? No we'll be perfectly safe, as will the champions. A thicker chain around his neck? What are you going on about, a dragon could never break that simple bike-lock-thick chain." I mean, was no one worried that Harry would die when that ball "mysteriously" went berserk and tried to smash Harry's face??? No, I guess that never would have killed him, no one was really even all that phased. "See that ball? kinda weird, huh? Think it was cursed by one of Voldimort's followers in the stands?" "Nah, they just do that sometimes, try and squish a student's face all over the grass. It's kind of a mess to clean up, but no one's ever really phased by it and we keep playing."
3: Who the fuck chose that chain? Fucking idiots. That looked like a group of professionals who deal with dragons in boxes every day. Apparently not.
4: NO ONE QUESTIONED WHY THE HAT CHOSE FOUR NAMES. Duh, well, i dunno, it kinda farts out like that sometimes. Gives three names. O well. What? Do I think someone put the "Choose 4 Names" Spell? That's proposterous. No idiotic spell like that exists. What good would it be? 'Alright students, we're gonna play some recreational quidich, harry you are captain of team 1. Aaaaand Choose 4 Names Spell! Ha!' No. No such spell exists. What? It does? It's designed spesifically for the goblet of fire? Well, you know what, some evil force is just fucking with us then, alright? Lets let it do its thing? It can't hurt. It's not gonna raise Voldimort from the dead or anything." HA! You thought wrong old man! You killed a boy AND raised Voldimort. Sucker!
5: The only child who has moved past puberty is, somehow, Nevel (sp?). He is the only one who wasn't bickering or having awkward moments with the opposite sex, and he had a good time at the ball. Fucking Ron who has never had ANY use, except for the lame chess scene, was a bitch to his date and Harry and Hermione (sp?) (But they just welcome him back into their lives as all teen relationships work out). Harry was just being a dumb boy, and Hermione (sp?) was being moody as all hell.
Other than that, bloody great movie.
Labels: Movies
posted by Sam @ 8:10 AM
3 rants/raves
3 Comments:
First of all, there is a spell for ANYTHING Sam. There's a spell that makes front teeth grow really long. It's in the book. Of course there's going to be a "choose 4 names" spell. It's actualy "namento tetralarmis." Second of all, it's a movie about teens, so you have to deal with the teen relationships. The reason they haven't moved past puberty is because they're still barely pubescent. Why was Hermione moody? Because she's a girl. You of all people should have figured that one out Sam. And if you were less awkward than Harry Potter at that tender age of 14, then you sir are a better man than most.
Thirdly, magic can fix anything, even smashed faces and burned-to-a-crisp students. The first years are immune to all sorts of gore by their second month of school. By that time they've seen arms bitten off, people with their torsos turned into mongoose torsos, and freakin' scary monsters. They're used to it.
I will admit that the professors and headmaster should be more worried, but what are they going to do about it? Really, they're liable for all these students, a lot of parents have lawyers on retainer, they've got to keep up with their lesson plans, and they have to run this tournament. They probably knew what was up all along and were just feigning ignorance so they didn't have to do anything about it. I mean, one student death probably makes for a relatively harmless year at Hogwarts.
harry potter would have loved it if you gave me back samurai jack
you're so cute when you rant sammy
What are you thinking?
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